I Love You

Each year teaching I have had one child in particular that stands out for various reasons behavior-wise in my classroom.  Teaching is incredibly difficult and to be honest I struggle with it daily.  Each year I've had one student in particular that chooses to challenge and test my faith, my patience, and my ability to be a teacher.   Often as a teacher, I feel I am the "bad guy."  I'm the one who has to tactfully approach parents about testing, special needs, or counseling  I'm the one who has to give consequences, follow through on them, contact parents, and take away activities.  I'm the one who has to setup meetings, share stories, seek help, and get advice.  And often times it's difficult.  Communication is difficult.  More precious time is lost.   My schedule fills.  I feel lost and unsupported.

But, I can't give up.  I fight for my students.  There isn't a part of me that has ever felt like giving up on one of them.

I question things a lot.  Like, why does a child behave this way?  Am I a terrible teacher?  Am I bad person?  Why do these situations always seem to find me?  Do I have to follow through on a consequence again?  Or, oh no, what happened now?  How can I escape this impending battle?  And mostly, I question myself.

And so Thursday, after one of the most challenging weeks I've ever faced, as I was busy tying knots to dreamcatchers, encouraging students to work more quickly, and running around my classroom to quickly get our activities done, a student, who often challenges me and sees me as the bad guy, came up and whispered in my ear, "I love you."  The student ran back to his/her desk to continue his/her work, and I shocked, sat there and thought, but you always say you don't like me.  After all that, and all we go through as teachers, that one "I love you" is what I choose to hold onto.  

And, I, love you too.