alliteration

I'm only calling this post alliteration because I don't want the actual alliteration to go down in blog title history, but the real title of this blog is: Friday Frustrations.

Let me start by saying I've had the best week of school here in Honduras yet. I feel like I’m finally starting to enjoy teaching again. My kids are starting to use more English, I'm starting to actually enjoy first grade life, and all in all it’s been a happier week.

Except that today was, as Alexander would say a "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day." Might as well write about it and get it out of me so I can enjoy my 3-day weekend. Yes 3-day weekend, they decided yesterday to make Monday día de los soldados. So Honduras, this holiday happens every year, but they don't pick the date until 4 days before it.

Like I said, best week yet with my all-stars. Despite that, however, I’ve been feeling frustrated with the Hondurans at my school. Don't get me wrong, I love them. I truly do and I want to get to know them better and be their friend and I really like them, but gaaaaaah.

Every week I meet with the Honduran principal and the first grade team. The principal has a first grade daughter, which is all at once awesome and not so awesome. It's great because she can see how Rosa and I collaborate and work together and how our math homework’s make sense. But at the same time, since her daughter is in first grade, she puts extra pressure and intensity on us. So this week I was frustrated because I decided to send home a weekly newsletter to my parents because they want to know when quizzes are and what we are learning. But this isn't enough for her, because apparently I can't just say you are going to have a quiz over these math topics or these ten words, I have to say and the quiz will be in _____ format. Apparently it isn't enough that I send my communications home to be proofread by the English principal, I now have to do them an extra day in advance so that she can look at them too. English principal tells me I'm going to fast in math, Honduran principal says to slow. Honduran principal says we aren't doing enough and that we aren't good enough.

So these were the frustrations and thoughts that I had going into today. . .

I was so excited about today, its Friday, I liked my outfit, we were having a great week in school, and today was Friday. Got to school, my kids didn't know what movies were so I had to spend extra time and patience being like, don't you know what movies are. But, the morning was proceeding along fine. Until I mention to Fanny that I'm going to finish the behavior reports during breakfast when she says, actually we're having another meeting with the Honduran principal. WHAT?!?!?! Why now, what now? I explain to Fanny that I wanted us to call the parents of the struggling students during that time, since we were sending home progress reports. I was then told that our meeting was to discuss progress reports so we should probably meet first to see what she says about the reports. Why can't this be communicated to me personally? Why does everything have to go through my aid?

So I go to the meeting, which starts ten minutes late. I spend that 10 minutes counting off the immense to-do list of things I could be dong. When she finally comes we first have to talk about parent complaints. Guess what, I'm tired of parents complaining! Apparently now the parents are mad because some kids haven't done homework because it hasn't been written in their agendas. This is the job of our aides. The kids aren't following the routine of turning in their agendas in the morning. Fanny goes through each kids backpack to see if they remembered to turn in the agenda or not, in the Spanish room, you turn it in to get your homework written or you’re SOL.

So anyways, the Honduran principal informs us that this is a major problem, that’s 100% our fault, and those we’re not working up to standard in first grade. She says we need to get our acts together because she doesn't want to have to keep talking to parents saying I’m sorry this is completely our fault we'll do better. Then she goes on to say that our aides shouldn’t be spending so much time on the agendas because they are supposed to be helping with behavior issues and co-teaching. Here's a perfect lead in for me to share my opinion on this matter, so I chime in that I'm completely in agreement with this point. I then explain that for this reason, I feel that this homework issue is not 100'% our fault. I explain that when this issue happens, I feel we should explain to the parents that the problem is that the kids need to follow the routine of turning in their agendas like we practice everyday. The aide shouldn’t have to go through everybody's backpack to see if the routines were followed--waste of time! So I suggest that we explain to the parents we're sorry for this error, assure them we will be more careful, and then ask them to speak with their child at home about remembering to follow routines and take responsibility for themselves. I know they are only 6, but 98% of my class can handle this. I'm all for talking to the kid and reminding them of the routine and making sure the homework gets written, but I also don't appreciate being told I'm not doing good enough job when a kid's agenda is not filled out because he forgot to follow the routines. Well, needless to say, this explanation and suggestion did not go over well. ugggg.

Now the bell rings and its time to go back to class. My kids are in the hallway, tackling each other, screaming, etc. And we haven't even begun to discuss the progress reports. I then find out as the principal looks at them that she doesn't like any of my comments and she said I’m not allowed to use white out. Again, opposite of what Peggy told me. I explain that Peggy said white out was fine and that the comments I used were all suggestions from the list Peggy gave us. Again, just trying to do my best and I get shot down. So long story short, the Honduran principal says I need to redo about 40 of my 50 reports. Great.

Go back to class and find my kids insanely tackling each other and screaming, but can I blame them no, they've been left unattended for 10 minutes while I was in a stupid meeting. And now they have a very grumpy, frustrated Miss Nardozzi with no tolerance and zero patience left.

Only to be interrupted again by Fanny and the Honduran principal. Because now the issue is that apparently I'm not supposed to call home to speak with parents about progress reports, why I don't know. Again Peggy tells me call home and now the Honduran principal says I can't. Instead I'm supposed to write a detailed note on the progress report that explains the child's grade more. So more work for me to get done by the end of the day since these reports must go home today.

So Fanny starts working on things and I'm more frustrated than ever because I need to be teaching and I now have soooo much work to do before the kids can go home (teach, progress reports, and behavior reports). Then in my frustration, while I'm teaching, I break one of my favorite necklaces. grumpiness increases.

But, I turn to God at several points and make it through to lunch. I line my kids up for lunch and begin to walk them to recess when, Fanny informs me that they need to go wash their hands because we're having a birthday party today. WHAT?!?!? Sorry I forgot to tell you, but Lizzy's birthday is today and her family is here with cake, they need to go wash hands and comeback in the room for cake. But, but, but when do I get to do those reports waiting for me??????

So we had Lizzy's birthday party, which made me more frustrated at life because I couldn’t shake off my grumpiness and so I didn't even enjoy the birthday party. I'm pretty sure I was more like the Grinch than anything wanting to just get this over with so that they could get outside so I could tackle work. Then Peggy comes in and kind of reprimands us because apparently we didn't follow the birthday party rules. oh geez, but I didn't know! Nobody tells me. I don't think she was like upset or anything it was more like a hey, heads up: usually we require a weeks notice for parties and the kids go to lunch firsthand then come back for cake. But again I didn't know! I literally found out in seconds that this is happening and I just did what I was told.

I didn't even get a piece of cake because I was so busy shooing kids out of the room so that I could get to reports that I forgot to take one. bummer, it was Disney princess cake too.

So, to wrap up this long saga of frustrations, I made it, I survived, all reports got home safely too. Definitely took several moments of prayer throughout the day, so I can definitely say it was by God's grace that I survived this day without severely losing it. And I'm glad I remembered in the insanity to turn to God.

In the end what this post comes down to is, I work so hard everyday and then I feel like my best isn’t good enough in the eyes of others. I just want to be friends with the Hondurans and affirmed and feel like a good teacher. The parents and principals and teachers seem to complain constantly. And then part of that too is there's this whole cultural/language thing to, so are they really upset? Are they really ungrateful? Do they understand things from my position? Do they really think I'm doing a terrible job? I don't know, because I rely on literal translations of what they say, I don't know Honduran body language, I don't know what the intentions behind what they say because I'm still learning the language and the culture. I do know that they are much more blunt here, so maybe the issues here are just small little suggestions and not such negative, mean phrases. I'm used to the American way of skirting around issues and not being direct.

So indeed it was a frustrating Friday to end my great week at school. Thank goodness I made it to the weekend. Time to rejuvenate, take sabbath, and figure out how to keep moving forward.

‎"Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway."-- Mother Teresa